Monday, November 25, 2024.
-Bill Crane
While I never really viewed our large, multi-generational, predominantly Irish-Catholic family as the Norman Rockwell portrait at Thanksgiving, as a child I always enjoyed the often raucous gatherings and holiday gorge-festivities, four generations deep, that were our Thanksgiving, Christmas and occasionally Easter holiday gatherings. Though we were comfortably middle class and the family could gather easily in most of our homes, there was no table large enough to hold us all while seated and enjoyed the feast of the day. This led to spillover seating at the kitchen table, TV trays in the den…and for many years, I sat with my younger siblings and the occasional cousin at a folding Kid’s Table.
From our vantage point, the adults would share stories, laugh and occasionally launch into a tirade, typically later in the meal, as I noted the men typically getting louder, laughing a bit more and by the arrival of dessert a yawn or two might set in. Post-feast football games were also a fixture, and most years my father, uncle and grandfather would soon be curled up snoozing or snoring on a couch nearby…not unlike a bear preparing for hibernation.
As childhood shifted to adolescence and later young adulthood, cousins took over the kid’s table, and I moved to sit with the adults. Much of our family was in business together, a family newspaper chain, so they spent considerable time daily in each other’s company. The business was successful, but there were still stresses and being an Irish family, there were our share of loud exchanges, some occasional food being thrown and my grandfather and his sister and their battles were often the most memorable.
Dad’s family dominated those gatherings, and most were Yankee carpetbaggers, arriving in the deep south and Georgia of the 1940s. Arguments could focus on really important topics of cuisine, such as whether or not to add fatback or bacon to the baked beans, should potato salad be Mayo or Mustard-based…and perhaps MOST importantly, whether or not the iced tea served with the meal was sweet with seemingly 5 pounds of Dixie Crystal sugar…or unsweet. But every now and again, typically then about every two to four years, the discussion and arguments would concern politics. Richard Nixon was both loved and reviled by our family. Though Georgia’s first President, Jimmy Carter, did not fare quite so well around the Crane holiday supper table.
Now, a golden anniversary or two later, and me swapping places with my grandfather, we are again four generations deep…but with the wonders of modern family, divorces and Brady blends, we are all seldom together at the same time and place. And when those occasions do occur, at times before the pie arrives, politics come more quickly into the discussion.
Not everyone votes. Some are quite passionate on a handful of issues. I make a point, even with people I don’t know and may never meet, of keeping political dialogue respectful and civil. It does not always work out that way, but my first wife and I only took about 25 years after our divorce to become friends again, so anything is possible.
So at that first sign of disruption or violation of what your family agrees are the generally accepted rules of conduct – Get everyone’s attention and offer –
The leadership of our nation, this state and our community means a lot to me. Pretty sure that we also have some strong feelings and opinions in this room…but we don’t get to see each other all that often anymore, and you all mean MORE to me than any political contest. So how about we all agree that as we may disagree, we focus on family, fun, sharing memories and another slice of that pie?
There will be a few louder voices, perhaps emboldened by some holiday spirits. Pulling one or two of these bourbon ballers to the side for a heartfelt, “Let’s not fight in front of the kids, okay…” is also pretty effective.
And of course, if all else fails, there may still be a seat or two left at the Kid’s Table. I get to say and do nothing and be a hero with my grand twins…the Mighty Mites. The best path of avoidance for holiday indigestion or harsh words that all may regret may simply be pulling a fast move to that junior table. The non-voting, not yet of age crowd you may find are incredibly hospitable. Wishing you and yours a blessed Thanksgiving, holiday season and New Year!
